I'm still so worried about Hope and school. She's barely reading on grade level and we can't figure out what to do about it.

*****

Today some nasty little boys, a nasty little boy Hope's had a crush on since she was four, they put drawings in her bookbag during After School, drawings of them shooting her and her being eaten by a monster with blood dripping down and things saying "you suck" and then they put them in her bookbag and she didn't know what to do with them.  She thought if someone found them they'd think SHE did it and so when she got home she hid her bookbag until I got there so she could tell me about it, because THANK FUCKING GOD, she trusts me.  But then of course, I had to show them to my mother, who happens to be the director of the After School program.

I can't believe it.  She's six and I know she chases this by around and has forever and I'm quite sure it annoys the hell out of him and I'm sure ten years ago this would all have been considered harmless, but damnit, NOT BY ME.  I'm furious and sad and hurt on her behalf and then there's this conflict of interest, because my mother WILL do something about it, but then Hope might find out I told and what if it happens again and this time she doesn't trust me enough to tell me about it.  And what if everyone thinks Mommy's only doing it because it's her granddaughter, but at the same time, my mom told me that if I was a normal "unconnected" parent, I'd be sending those pictures to the Principal demanding that something be done, and she's totally right.

I'm just sick to my stomach about the whole thing and I don't know what to do.  And Hope means everything to me and I don't want her to ever be hurt and she's only six and I have millions of more years of this to go through.

Being a mother sucks.