A Cyclic Poem

I went to Brian's super bowl party.  It should have been fun, but I was completely out of my element.  All the women were people I hardly knew, and also, I couldn't remember if in a drunken stupor I had at some point in the past hit on their husbands (more than likely right in front of them.)  Plus, I tried pot smoking for the first time in my whole life sober, and it was perhaps not the perfect time to try that little experiment.

Brian had his usual Iron Chef cook-off and it was fun!  This year, because it was the first year I was able to come to the party (and be reasonably assured that I wouldn't be tempted to drink) I was a judge!!  The theme ingredient, much to my dismay, was peppers.  I'm not a hot kind of girl, so peppers did not thrill me and made it nearly impossible to judge fairly.  Add to that that Brian came up with some kind of funky judging point system, and I think the whole thing came out rigged in the end.  But my favorite placed and the top three dishes came out within a point of each other so everybody won! 

Smoking pot is (for me, at least) not all it's cracked up to be.  I was already uncomfortable, after all, and most of these people, if they'd seen me recently at all, had seen me drunk off my ass, possibly naked and doing things unacceptable even within the realm of normal drunks.  I couldn't talk to any of the men, for fear their wives would think I was flirting, and I couldn't talk to any of the women for the reasons mentioned above.  I also had to get home since Hope was waiting for me (I was supposed to be home in time for kick-off) but the judging went long and I couldn't make it back until after halftime in any event.  I was so afraid I'd get home and still be "stoned" and since while being stoned, I noticed I was completely incapable of stringing a complete sentence together coherently, I didn't want that to be noticeable to either Hope or my mom.  It was such an odd experience.  I have plenty of experience with being drunk and being able to (at least in the early stages) handle it fairly well, but this drug was freaky.  I would start a sentence with one idea in mind, and by the time I reached the end of the sentence, my mind had literally forgotten what it was going to say so I ended up completing on a completely different topic altogether.  So what happened was, since I already felt weird being there with these people, I was scared even more to talk for fear I'd sound like a complete idiot when I did!

I've never felt more isolated or more out of my element than I did at that party.  I felt like everyone hated me and was judging me.  And that was BEFORE my little experiment!  I'm not sure if I'll ever have a social life again.  A simple party left me feeling insecure and lowly for days afterwards.  I guess I will end up wearing my tin-foil hat, surrounded by cats and newspapers contemplating crop circles and the second shooter until I die, alone, of old age.

After the judging, I ended up sitting on the floor, watching the game, and completely isolating myself from everyone.  I went upstairs at least five times to get my camera and each time coming back down having completely forgotten what I went up there to do.  I know  alcohol can result in a complete loss of control, but I don't remember it making me an idiot (again, at least not at first.)  All in all, an experiment worth doing, but not one worth repeating.  I guess alcohol really is my drug of choice.

On the other smoking front though, I'm not doing well at all.  I was down to five cigarettes a day for a full week, including a weekend, and then my February 1st quit date came and I completely lost control.  I'm now back up to at least 10, probably more, and it's time to buckle down and start over.  I could beat myself about it.  Okay, I already have beaten myself up about it (while smoking the whole time) so now it's time to quit the beating and start the starting over.  Back to the paper clip rosary!!!!

Wish me luck!

I took Hope to see High School Musical at the Fox Theatre on Friday night.  It was her first time there, and her ever true "concert."  We blew $50 on two t-shirts, not to mention the $70 a piece I spent for front row loge seats.  But we could see everything and it couldn't have been more perfect.

She called her Granna, her friends and her Daddy as we were sitting there waiting for the show to begin.  For those of you not from the south and unfamiliar with the Fox, it's the theatre in Atlanta where Gone With the Wind debuted, in a dumpy little city with absolutely no claim to fame accept that it was where Margaret Mitchell was born and wrote her little book.  The Fox was redone and redone beautifully, to look like an ancient outdoor theatre of old, complete with a sky full of twinkling stars and a "surround" of the theatre itself.  It looks like William Shakespeare could be directing or performing for the Queen on that stage in that impressive atmosphere.  It later fell into disrepair and was in danger of being torn down, but a group of people got together, raised money and it is now back to (and even surpasses) its former glory.  It's a very special place and even I've only been there a few times.  A couple for the Nutcracker, Duran Duran and Jimmy Buffet (not together) and now, High School Musical.

It really was magical for us.  I wish I'd had my camera, not to take pictures of the show (strictly forbidden) but to take pictures of Hope's face as she sang (loudly and horribly off-key) and danced her way through the whole show.  Every time I looked over at her, my eyes welled up.  I'm such a sappy mother, but to see her enjoying herself so much made me so happy I could have cried.  So I did!!

M's daughter had seen the show the week before Hope and M warned me that Hope would be "horribly disappointed like Bella" because "none of the REAL movie kids were in it."  But Hope already knew that before we went.  The real actors have like, TV shows and stuff, they can't tour the country!!  She couldn't have been happier (although she did mention the "fake Troy" was much uglier than the "real Troy."

We had to walk downtown to get to our car afterwards, the streets FULL of people, giant limos, stretch hummers, and guys hawking fake High School Musical t-shirts (first for $15, then $10 and finally $5 the further away from the Fox we got.)  She oohed and ahhed.  It was her first time in the big city EVER, and even more special was that it was at night.  It was 11:30 before we made it to our car and midnight before we got home.

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My official quit smoking date was today.  I've smoked two so far.  I'm a dismal failure.