Every morning starts the same now that school is back in session.  My radio goes off at about 6:20 and about five minutes later Hope crawls in bed with me.  Usually I'll hit snooze and we'll both go back to sleep for another ten minutes or so before it goes off again and we know to get up. 

I have Bronchitis.  Again.  So I didn't sleep well last night.  Again.

This morning when my alarm went off I'd been on again off again awake all night anyway, so I just let the radio stay on.  I listened to my normal Top 40 radio guys going on about something mildly amusing and waited for Hope to show up.  She crawled into bed with me and I just left the radio on.  We lay there all snuggly for a bit.

(Out of the blue, like) She asks, "Is that Delilah?"

Um...

I didn't say anything because sometimes she'll say weird things like that in morning when she's really not awake but just sort of talking in her sleep.  But after listening a little while longer she asked (a little more insistently), "Is that Delilah??"

Okay, so that was weird.  The only Delilah I've ever heard of is the lock shearing one from the bible and even most of that knowledge came from a two part episode of  Xena, the Warrior Princess which Hope's (probably) never seen.

I said no, I didn't think so.  Then of course I was like, "Who is Delilah??" 

She says "It's that lady who gives people advice.  You know, people who've been through a divorce or had someone in their family die or get a horrible disease.  Or sometimes if they're in love she'll talk to them too, and she likes to talk to people who are having birthdays."

I was completely lost by this time because I know every TV show she watches, I know every book she reads, I know every single thing in her life that might add influences (accept on the EE front and he's SO damn conservative, he about stroked out when I took her to see Goblet of Fire when she was six, PG-13, you know.)

She got up and I got up.  I was bleary and coughing and LATE.  But when she came up later I asked her, where the hell do you know this Delilah person from?  I didn't put that in quotes you see, because I didn't actually say, "Who the hell.do you know this Delilah person from?"  She would have been VERY offended by that sort of language and I would have gotten a fifteen minute lecture on how the language I use reflects on how I've been raised and my level of intelligence because people with any education and half a brain can think of far better ways to communicate effectively than through foul language...not to mention the fact that I ended that sentence with a preposition!

Lord, aren't you guys glad you don't have to have an actual conversation with me?  I can't even tell a story straight through. 

She finally tells me, "It's the lady on the radio.  The lady you always have me listen to in my room when I go to sleep." 

Ohmagod.  Delilah is the REQUEST LINE lady on our local easy listening channel!!  You know the type, you call in and request a song to be played for your mother/boyfriend/dog because it EXACTLY says word for word what you've always wanted your mother/boyfriend/dog to know.  I had NO idea the show was on, every time I go in there it's playing Wind Beneath My Wings or Let's Get Physical or something by Journey.

I should have known no radio station would play Journey songs back to back to back like that if someone weren't requesting them!!

*****

An Elf, Margaret??  Et tu??

*****

I went to a great deal of trouble, did all the paperwork, paid the money, got myself readmitted to GSU.  It was all great.  Five more classes to go.  Tax, Auditing, Business Law, Speech and the Business cap course.  All done.  Fully degreed and ready to take the accounting industry by storm by this time next year.  Conservatively, by this time next year.  Maybe even just two semesters if I quit work and went back full time (which really isn't an option because *see upcoming post on my VAST ebay inflated credit card bills that will take me six months to pay off*).

But GUESS WHAT, my loving and wonderfully supportive friends who have been with me these last three years urging me to get my ass in gear and get those classes done?  Guess the hell what?  (Yes, Hope...I know I could choose to use different words but sometimes the situation calls for a hearty curse word.)

After.  Five. Years.  All.  Major.  Classes.  Must.  Be.  Retaken.

I took eight, count them, EIGHT accounting classes at Georgia State...while I was pregnant.  While I was pregnant!!  Hope is seven.  I may not have that much vaunted degree, but even I can do that math.  None of those classes count anymore.  I have to retake them all. 

I was so excited.  I was so proud.  I was finally ready to take that last step toward success.  And then...this.   I felt like I'd been hit over the head with a mallet.  Not only is it three times as much TIME, it's also three times as much money.  Now my mom wants me to get all my GSU credits and all my Georgia Tech credits transfered to Kennesaw State and finish out my accounting degree there.  Which is all fine and dandy.

In theory.

I can't seem to get up the energy to do all that.  I used up all my motivation just getting readmitted to GSU.  I'm completely paralyzed again.  I suppose it will another seven years before I decide to get my ass in gear.   

I'm really afraid.  I'll be doing this forever, answering phones, being the office bitch.  Not worth anything to anyone, living off my mother.  I feel pathetic.  I'm almost 40 but I barely have the emotional maturity of my own child! 

She IS awfully mature for her age, everyone says so!!

Comments

[Margaret]

Yes, an elf. It's something about his little pixie features. He is CUTE though; I wouldn't call him handsome. You have to remember that I'm 51 though and would kiss George Clooney's feet,just to get a moment of his attention. That sucks about the credits. I didn't know that they had a "shelf life." Your mom's suggestion is good, if that'll work. You sound like you need OUT of that job, and it's the only way. Damn.