This has happened before. First with Jon and then with Stalker Boy. Things got started, then I didn't know how to stop them. With Jon, the feelings have never quite gone away, but I think that's more due to the alcohol brainwashing that went on, and less about any real feelings. I thought I was in love with him, and maybe I was in some sort of sick way. But it happened this same way. I met him, then a week later I was consumed by him.
Stalker Boy was a bit different, of course. I did actually try to do the right thing (after doing the wrong thing and getting so involved so quickly) but he wouldn't accept it. So that ended badly.
This new thing, what I would call a rekindling, has also happened so quickly. Almost overnight quickly. I've enjoyed texting and some mild flirting and felt like it was all good, after all, he lives across the country!! He was a childhood friend and everything. But suddenly there's all this soul-mate talk and although the sexual talk is titillating and fun (after all, it's now been YEARS for me) it doesn't seem to be the sort of thing that should go from FB to email to texting to being physically together so very quickly!
But as with most men I develop this sort of bond with, he says all the right things, pushes all the right buttons, appeals to all the senses in a perfect way. Almost like he knows me. But that might be the problem. Do I turn myself in to whatever these men want me to be? Am I still so insecure that I can't say no, or this is going too fast? He's told me repeatedly to tell him if he's crossing a line, going too fast, doing or saying anything that's making me uncomfortable, and what do I do? I don't tell him, so things escalate because the only feedback he gets from me is to keep going.
He's not the handsome kid he was in high school anymore, either. He's balding and looks a little older than his real age. I don't know that I'll even be attracted to him in person! Probably not, me being me...
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And my friend, the one who was having the affair, had the abortion, used my abysmally. Well, she finally divorced her husband because she found out HE was having an affair. See, it was okay for her, but not for him.... and I've always been attracted to her husband, and now he's calling me to talk about our kids getting together. And he's one I could actually really see being with. I know, I know...the affair, but if you knew this woman...
So I wonder what might happen with him if I let it. But I don't think I could. Despite the fact that I don't much like my ex-friend and his ex-wife, it still seems to breaking some sort of girl code to date her ex. Don't you think?
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I've really gotten bad at blogging.
