A Cyclic Poem

I don't know what to say.  I'm completely floored by the outpouring of advice and support from my dear friends.  I'm SO GLAD nobody advised either a) shaving/waxing the whole thing bald or b) attempting the  "gucci coochie."  (Although I will have nightmares about "tailfeathers" and the possibility of accidently shaving off essential body parts.  Thank you very much, GraceD and Michelle.)

Danelle and Carol, thanks for the  reminder!!  I do have a stray breast hair (and found another as I was finding it again tonight) which I have, for the record, both plucked and shaved over the years.  I'm going with plucking since shaving too near the nipple might violate Michelle's essential parts rule. 

GOOD POINT, Joe.  If he's critiquing the merchandise on his very first trip to the candy store, he's a very,very bad boy and won't get to go back inside.  EVER.

Phyllis.  IF the situation comes up where he might get "whisker burned" I will be laughing so hard it will totally kill the mood!  Thank you very much!

SAT Word of the Day points go to GraceD for using both "mons" and "hirsute" in the same comment.

Mmmmmm....Federer

Winning the U.S. Open...for the FOURTH time.  Darth Federer.  Something about a man in black...

I just don't think anything is hotter than this man!!

Dana says he looks goofy.  What does she know??

I'm afraid to look back and see when my last post was written.  That would just scare me, what with all the frantic catching up I have to do.  I don't know why I decided to start back up again, but I do know I stopped because I was afraid of my stalker.  I still am, I doubt that will ever go away, but since the older I get (and the saggier my boobs get, funny how the correlation works) the more my memory acts up on me.  I realized just recently that I can't remember some of the milestones in Hope's life, some of the ones that JUST happened last month or even last week.  We went on vacation, her first visit to the ocean.  I'm already forgetting what that was like for her, and for me and my mother.  She's lost teeth, had an "appliance" put in her mouth, failed her first spelling test and conquered her reading problems.  She's had her first phone call from a boy (just to talk, consisting of a lot of silence and not much talking and much bewilderment on Hope's end--"what did he want, mommy?"  "I don't know honey, sometimes boys just like to hear themselves talk."  "But he didn't SAY anything!!!")

EE is still not paying child support, or rather, he pays every few months after I threaten legal action.  To tell the truth, legal action doesn't scare him NEARLY so much as those four little words, "Child Support Enforcement Agency."  Funny how quick the thought of the good ol' government docking his pay gets a check for half the amount to me pretty quick!

The summer was HOT.  I worked the whole time.  Yes, I'm still working, and no, I haven't been drinking.  I went to a couple of gay male strip clubs with my friend Dana.  We went to this great club called "Swinging Richards."  Get it??  And boy were things swinging!!  It was fun, nobody tried to pick us up, nobody was drunk and obnoxious, so not only did I not get drunk, I also didn't get laid!!

Speaking of which, it's now been more than a year.  My last sexual partner was my stalker, so really we're looking at closer to two years.  Crazy, isn't it?  I didn't think I cared.  I really didn't.  But last month I started feeling like maybe it was time to start dating again.  I went on  a few websites, met a few guys--online, not in person.  I even spoke to two of them on the phone.  But I'm too afraid to put myself out there again.  I loved Psycho Boy so much (so disastrously and obsessively) and then the stalker liked me too much---I'm afraid there is no middle ground out there.  So I've shut down the two men I started talking to.  Both New York men, the one I liked the best is a computer programmer who is currently jobless and looking to start his own company.  The one I like least (he never let me talk the whole time we were talking!!) is the president of his own company, has an 18 year old daughter and is "looking for the last great love of his life."  Yikes...I'm screwed either way.   So I did what I usually do, and just didn't call either one of them back!

But back to my sex life. 

I've decided I'm desperately in love with Roger Federer (tennis star.)  So he gets all my fantasy time.  Although oddly enough, while I was signing up for my local online dating service, lo and behold, guess whose VERY recent profile I found?  Yep, Psycho Boy.  He's on there, looking pretty much the same.  I know he saw mine.  But hopefully he doesn't know I saw his.  But I'm such a complete moron, he's actually been invading my thoughts again.  COME ON!!  This guy was the worst thing that ever happened to me.  I'm only remembering the obsessive love, not the real thing. 

No, Faith.  You cannot fall in love with someone while you're drugged, drunk and starving in the middle of nowhere in a meth compound. 

I wonder why my thoughts have swung so wildly lately.  That's probably the real reason I'm back here blogging.  I know I've probably lost everyone (except my two best and most long suffering friends, Tonya and Margaret--I love you both) but it seemed the right thing to do, coming back here where I can get these thoughts out.  I haven't really thought about drinking very much, but I have worried about the dating and the fact that I'm afraid to, the Psycho Boy thoughts...like maybe I should get in touch with him?  It'd be dead easy...

DEAD.

Teehee...see, that's why I'm here.  His name is Jon.  Did I ever tell you guys his name?  Is it like in Pretty Woman, where she never kisses on the lips?  If I never say his name and only call him Psycho Boy, does that mean I don't care about him?

I'm not going to do it, you know.  I've known how to get in touch with him for a month now and I haven't.  Although...what would I do if he got in touch with me?  I think I would be smart.  He is simply an obsession, not a love.  I've talked about it before.  What's the difference???

*****

My job...oh boy, that will fill up an entire 'nother post.  I literally have so much to talk about that if I DO talk about it all, I'll still be six months behind on all the current stuff.  I guess I'll have to consolidate.

Friday, January 20

I'm writing this now, since it happened today and if I wait until Friday I won't remember a thing. I'm getting old, you know? I really ought to change that counter over there, because now it's 350 some odd days until I'm 39!

I broke up with SigOth on Friday. I didn't do it very well. He wanted to take me to see a movie, maybe have some dinner...a real date. I didn't really want to do that, I wanted to go to his house, watch a movie, have some great sex and go home...just like we always do. Really, to me that's felt like all our relationship was about anyway and I didn't see any reason to change what had always happened before. I'd like to say I thought he'd be okay with that and how I didn't think it would hurt him, but that's not the truth. I did it and said it the way I did, just to get the reaction I got.

He was angry and said he didn't want a relationship built on "let's fuck", he wanted something more and if I didn't want the same thing, I needed to let him know right then. I still couldn't bring myself to say the words. The words I'd been wanting to say for so long and just couldn't. I didn't want to hurt him, I'd stayed in this thing for longer than I should have (for both of us) simply because I was unwilling to hurt him. So I delayed and delayed until the hurt was inevitable and bound to be strong and overwhelming.

I kept telling him I didn't know what I wanted. Which wasn't true. I DID want to keep things the way they were. No commitments, no LOVE, just togetherness when we had the time and apartness when we didn't. No strings, no expectations, no hurt feelings if one or both of us found someone else. I wanted us to all be lovely friends no matter how it all turned out and in the meantime, just have some simple, uncomplicated fun. In essence...I wanted to be The Guy. I wanted the cuddling and the sex and the togetherness, but none of the other complicated stuff.

He pushed and pushed, asking me and asking me, forcing me to tell him what I wanted, to figure out what I wanted...so I finally snapped and said, "I want to break up." And just like that he said, "Fine" and hung up. We haven't spoken since.

I don't feel the spark for him that I should. Perhaps I'm simply incapable of having a serious, healthy relationship. Certainly there were things wrong with him (I mean wrong for ME about him.) He tends to be manipulative and refuses to listen to things (really HEAR them) if they aren't what he wants. I told him before Christmas I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to live with a man. He wasn't okay with that, but agreed to talk about it again in June or July. I tried to tell him I didn't think it would make a difference, but he didn't want to listen and so didn't HEAR what I was trying to say. I know, I know...I could have broken up with him then...

...but the fact is, I like him very much. I enjoy spending time with him. I just don't like being tied down, I don't like feeling forced to spend time or make calls or check in...so I don't really don't want a boyfriend. I just want a good friend who happens to be a boy. Oh, and he's damn good in bed.

That's the other thing. I'm being the guy in this too. For the first time in my LIFE, I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex with HIM. What if I never find that with anyone else as long as I live? We have the same interests, we like the same things...I just don't feel that spark.

But see, I felt that spark with Psycho Boy. Fuck me...but did I feel that spark with Psycho Boy. I still think about him, fantasize about him, dream about him. Mostly sick, perverted (and not in a good way) dreams, but still, that's the dark fantasy I've built up. I don't know how to handle someone who's nice and kind and perverted and sick (but in a VERY good way).

Have I reached the point where I'm incapable of having a relationship? Is a safe, nice, pleasant, happy, peaceful union something I not only won't ever get, but something I won't ever WANT? Am I addicted to horrible, controlling Psycho BOYS??

So now it stands this way. I have to password my blog, something I detest and RESENT having to do. I won't keep it this way forever, because eventually I won't care anymore or I'll change the address. Typepad says I can do it, but then you'll all have to go through the same damn thing again to find the new one. This all sucks. I'm feeling pissy and irritable and what sucks even MORE is that this won't post until next Friday and by then I'll be past needing help with this issue and on to the next one.

Currently listening to Take On Me from the album "Hunting High and Low" by a-ha

Sunday I went shopping with my very rich friend.  We went to Saks.  I bought a $300 pair of boots.  A $70 pair of boots.  A $60 pair of shoes.  Some shirts for SigOth from Saks.  Clothes for Hope from Gap and numerous other even ritzier kids stores.  Plus three pairs of shoes for her.  I spent $1200 in one five hour afternoon.  I would have bought a lot more, another coach purse, more jewelry, more shoes....I was insane.

I was so caught up in the buying frenzy (and my friend spent twice what I did) that I just couldn't stop.  The clothes and shoes for Hope are fine.  That's why we went to this particular outlet mall, because it does have some stores that aren't your run of the mill mall stores and I wanted some special "different" clothes for Hope.  My mother buys nice things, but she tends to buy eight of the same shirts in different colors and six pairs of jeans and call it a day.  I wanted Hope to have some stylish clothes.  HER clothes were reasonably priced and almost all  half price or better.

My purchases were almost all half price too.  You do the math.  What the HELL do I need with a $600 pair of boots???

So this weekend I will be making a trip BACK to the outlet mall to return all my major purchases.  I was paying bills last night realizing that I still have $1500 left to pay on my cat bill, plus just my regular purchases (gas, food) for the month and NOW I have $1200 more to add to that.  I had to dip into my Disney trip money just to pay my monthly bills. 

That kind of purchasing scares the shit out of me.  I haven't done it in a long time.  Don't get me wrong...I enjoyed every single minute of it and I don't mind one bit taking it all back (okay, I still covet the boots...)  I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to curb my spending just because I was with someone who DIDN't have to.  And she didn't expect me to spent any money either.  I just got caught up in it.  I wanted something so I bought.  The power of plastic.

*****

Today was Hope's FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN!!!!

I didn't take her this morning (she's going to a school out of district, the best in the county, my mom works there so we were able to swing it) and I decided not to take her because they like car riders to, even on the first day, be dropped off and NOT walked to their classrooms by their parents.  So my mom took her this morning, since that's what will be happening from now on.  We had a meet and greet on Monday so we could meet her teacher, see the classroom and get a feel for the school.  Completely unnecessary for Hope since she's been going to this school since she was two with my mother.  She greeted everyone by their first names, right down to the Principal.  (We had to have a little talk about that.)

I DID leave work early so I could pick her up from school.  If you don't catch Hope right after something happens, she answers questions in monosyllabic grunts.  "How was your day?"  "Fine"  "What did you do?"  " Nothin."  That kind of thing.  As it was, since I picked her up, she told me everything.  She had a BLAST and can hardly wait to go back tomorrow.  Art was her favorite thing she did today.  Each day they have something called "specialties" where they either go to Art or Music, Gym or Spanish.  One thing I like about this school is that beginning in Kindergarten they all start learning Spanish.  At least 40 minutes a week.  I don't care how you feel about Spanish, but I think it's WONDERFUL that they're being exposed to another language at such an early age.

She got her own lunch, didn't drop her tray and is already complaining because "they have meat in EVERYTHING."  She wants to bring her own lunch but I have a sneaking suspicion it's because she wants the matching lunchbox that goes with her bookbag.  I told her she'd have to eat school lunches for the remainder of this week and two more and after that we'd talk about it.  I quite frankly DO NOT want to pack a lunch every night.  Blah.

Our new schedule is she can watch the 6:30 -7:00 Simpsons.  Then she must do 15 minutes of homework (tonight she had to practice drawing yellow jackets (her class mascot) for a t-shirt they're going to make tomorrow.)  Then a fifteen minute bath and toothbrushing.  In bed by eight with a 15 minute story.  She did it last night...unhappily, and asked me this morning "Why do I go to bed during the day and get up at night??"

I didn't really have an answer.

Here is her very first daily report (click to enlarge):

I thrilled with her school and I'm really thrilled with how much she seems to like it.  I hope her experiences here, even in Kindergarten, will be pleasant and build her self esteem and prepare for the more challenging things to come.

*****

SigOth and are having fun now.  Things are good, he's opening up more to me and I'm able to tell him more about my own fears...and even be more honest about when I'm HAVING them, rather than just not saying anything at all and "suffering" through things that  make me nervous.

I am (at the request of friend, although she did ask me to email it to her rather than post it here) going to write about my current oral technique.  I assume I can get some advice and some constructive criticism (from all those of you willing to read what I write!!)  Of course, I'm not at ALL sure I have the courage to write about this.  Making jokes about hemorrhoids (thanks for the advice, the dangly bits seem to be gone) is one thing.  Discussing actual BLOWJOBS (and more specifically ME giving actual blowjobs) well, that's going to be rough.

I'll probably write it in an email to my girlfriend who's giving me the advice (and I won't tell you who, she can if she wants) and then once I've written it, go ahead and post it here.  I do that all the time with things I find too embarrassing.  I "pretend" I'm not going to share it with anyone and then of course I do.  My brain works in mysterious ways.

*****
The Great Flood started Sunday.  Isn't there supposed to be some sort of 28 day rule??  Because this seems to be happening every 21.  And I don't like it one little bit.  I probably should go have that sonogram and other tests the GYNO suggested which I ignored.  I'd rather ignore it and hope it will go away rather than find something terrible out. 

I hope everyone is having a great week!!!!

I had one of the best weekends I've had in months and months, probably even years and years.  I spent Friday evening with SigOth and by the time I got to his house I was in a frenzy just to see him.  He'd been sick most of the week and then due to a "misunderstanding" (he was sick, I didn't do my girlfriendly duty and at least CHECK on him, AND I completely ignored all hints that he might need me to do just that.)  He pointed this out to me when he started feeling better, but OF COURSE I got defensive and irritated (hence my post below) and so then we sort of fought for the next few days.  He wasn't sure if being with me (someone who wasn't sure how serious the relationship should be especially since he cares so much for me) was worth pretty much wasting his time pursuing.  That was probably more my interpretation than his actual meaning, but still, since I was pissed (and in the wrong) I wasn't in the mood to be logical about the whole thing.

I eventually apologized and he did too.  I agreed to try harder to NOT avoid things I find difficult and he agreed to help me not ignore them.  Well, actually at first he said he just wasn't ever going to put me in the position where I'd feel it necessary to ignore (which pissed me off because I DON'T want him to feel like he has to treat me with kid clothes).  I think we finally came to a happy middle ground and I don't know about him, but I certainly feel much more secure and happy with our relationship. 

We discussed my feelings about sex and oral and the whole scary things I have going on in my head.  And when I say "discussed" I don't quite mean that literally.  But anyways, we talked about it and Friday was a beautiful experience...for me anyway.  Yes, the sex was there, even my darker fantasies, but there was also the cuddling and the talking and the holding and the sweet gentle sex that I sometimes crave.   I still don't think I was able to give him what he wants and needs as far as HIS fantasies, but I think (and hope) he is willing to work with me and go a little more at my pace.

Saturday we went shopping with his youngest son and that was lovely too.  I've told you all before how much his children terrify me, not because of THEM but because of me and how completely inadequate and helpless I feel with them.  SigOth is so good with my daughter.  He seems to know just what to do and just how to make her happy...and I can't do any of those  things with his children.  So I get scared, nervous, anxious and totally shut down.  But Saturday was so much fun and I ended up going back over to his house Saturday night to spend one more night with him.

Yes.  I'm a big fat slut.

The worst part of this relationship, the worst part BY FAR is that I care about this man.  I wish I didn't.  If I didn't care, if he didn't mean anything to me, if I wasn't falling hard and fast for him, none of these fears would be happening.  If I don't care what people think, I don't care how I come across.  I don't care if I look stupid or act like a bimbo or look like I haven't showered for days or if my legs are hairy and my eyebrows aren't waxed.    I don't care if I cut the carrots the wrong way for a salad or if I don't how to make coffee correctly or if I can't do laundry and I hate to clean house, or most especially if I let him kiss me into oblivion without doing anything if return.  But now, because I actually give a damn...all those things suddenly matter.  And that brings on the anxiety.  In a big bad way.

Weird isn't it?  If I don't care about someone, I'm all the things a real boyfriend would want me to be.  Secure and confident and in control, sexually competent and flirtatious.  If I DO care, I become immature, scared and timid, panicky and disturbed.

I guess I need to only hang out with people I DON'T like.  Because no one can possibly love me when I love them, because I then become a complete lunatic.

This is freaky, fucked up world, and I am completely certifiable.

Maybe the Valium isn't such a bad idea.

Evil Ex has now called, pretty much consistently, for almost two weeks.  He called on Wednesday night and Hope told him about how SigOth was coming over the next day and he was bringing his balls and we were going to play Ball Wars in her bedroom.  She told him the names of his sons, their ages (six months and two years) and about how she met his mother. 

He didn't ask to speak to me when they were done.

He called tonight, spoke to Hope for a while and then got on the phone with me to ask if he could pick her up Saturday and take her to a movie.  I said, "Don't you want to see her for longer?"  He said he definitely wanted her for the weekend, but he wasn't going to ask because he wasn't sure I'd be comfortable with that.

Me:  Are you clean?
EE:  Yes.  YES. 
Me:  I didn't mean for that to sound so harsh or so nosy because I don't...
EE:  No, no, that's okay.  You have a perfect right to ask that question.
Me:  ...don't really care to know these things for myself, but your answer has an effect on what I'm going to say next...
EE:  It's okay, I don't expect you to let her spend time with me yet after my behavior. (meek and apologetic)
Me:  Shut up for a second.  Let me finish.  If you are clean...whenever you are clean, you can spend as much time with your daughter as you want.  The only time I would ever keep her from you is if you're using.
EE:  Well, I'm not.  I was, but I'm not.
Me:  Well then I think you should plan to spend time with her this weekend.

Bottom line, he's going to at least have her Saturday and Saturday night.  He's going to be staying at his mothers, which is good because Hope's not going back to that apartment with him where all his neighbors are dealers.  He wants to pick her up Saturday morning, but damnit, that will blow my whole weekend.  Because he'll say he'll be here at 10:00 and he won't get here until 1:00 and then I'll be all pissed off.  It would be so much better if we can do a dropoff with his mother like we usually do tomorrow night and SHE has to deal with him being late or not showing up.

Whatever.  I'm so happy for Hope.  She's thrilled and for the moment, all she knows is that her daddy is coming to take her to a movie on Saturday. 

*****

SigOth was here last night.  We did have ball wars (Hope and I on one side of the bed and him on the other), intensely ferocious ball wars that ended with Hope and I collapsed on the floor begging for mercy as ball after ball detonated around our heads.  We rallied briefly only to have all our ammo stolen and then the tickle cavalry arrived to finish us up.  It was SO much fun.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

We played Monopoly Jr. and were thoroughly trounced by Hope.  SigOth was totally trying to win (a little competitive, methinks) but ended up broke when moneybags Hope refused to waive the rent on one of her many monopolies. 

Then we played Pretty Pretty Princess and he played just as hard.  Only this time he came out the winner, proudly wearing his pink earrings, necklace, bracelet, ring and with a ruthless maneuver of his own, stealing the crown right off Hope's head.  We just about had a heart attack laughing at him.  He wouldn't let me take pictures but had great fun with it all day today.  He sort of had no choice since a little birdie told all his co-workers and most of them greeted him this morning with "how was your evening, princess?"

So then I sent Hope up to bed and SigOth came back to my bedroom to take a look at my wireless network because I don't have it passworded and have no clue what a hex code is.

Fairly explicit sexual content to follow which has no bearing on the post so far.  (Actually, I just wrote it and it's not explicit at all, in fact it sounds like a first grader wrote it accept for the subject matter...)

SigOth took me to Victoria's Secret last night to buy me "something you can wear and think of me, and something you can wear FOR me."  So we spent an hour wandering the store trying to find something sexy (but not slutty sexy), nice (but not $150 for the ensemble nice) and that I looked good in (in my opinion, not  his.)  VC has tons of great things, but most of them are way too expensive and made for bodies built precisely like the sexy mannequins posed elegantly around the store. Thank GOD he didn't want me in a corset, fishnets and crotch-less panties (because it SO wasn't happening.)

Then we went to dinner at a small Italian place.  I enjoyed standing at the bar talking to him.  He's so self-assured and just plain comfortable with himself.  It was a strange kind of turn on.  I felt sort of small...and protected...and cherished.  It's hard to explain out exactly how I felt.  Not like I wasn't strong or in control, but I guess more that I didn't have to be if I didn't want to be.  Is it incredibly 18th Century of me to like that feeling of being taken care of?  I felt like no matter what the situation, he would have handled it and everything would have been fine.

Weird feelings I know, to have while standing at a bar waiting to be seated.  Who knows why my brain works the way it does.

I spent the night again.  This is the second time in our two month relationship.  This time Hope was home when I left but I made sure I was home well before she got up this morning.

*****
I have hickeys.  For the first time in my life they're UNintentional hickeys.  You know how like when you're in high school you get them (or give them) as badges of honor (or of shame) and everyone looks and whispers.  These I got during my lunch break on Thursday.  We were sitting in my car making out in a parking lot (yes, we do this occasionally)...(okay, every day) and all of a sudden he starts like, BITING my neck.  Only it was just so yummy my toes were absolutely curling and I thought my heart was going to explode...so of course he kept doing it (one thing I like about this guy, if something works he takes note and remembers and does it again but not too much and not always when I expect it) and then pretty soon I was panting and moaning in the CAR at lunch. 

Have I told you guys lately I'm like, fourteen? 

But that very same night I had to meet his mother.  Yes, I met his mother with a giant hickey (actually it was quite small, but GIANT is so much more dramatic) on my neck.  I keep telling myself, it was HER son that put it there so she can't really blame me, right?

*****
I gave him my old cell phone because his got washed when his infant son's poopy diaper exploded on him.  In my old cell phone are about fifty text messages I sent and received over a year ago to a guy while I was drunk.  SigOth read them, which is fine because I'M the dumbass who mentioned to him there might be some on there, I just totally forgot exactly what WAS on there.  I think his glowing opinion of me might be dimmed just a bit.  It seems my past will always come around to bite me in the ass.

The Harry Potter party was so much fun.  We all got face tattoos (yes, I have one too), we watched a magic show, we made wands and we counted down the seconds until midnight.  I had book six in my grubby hands for less than twenty minutes before I started reading.  I'm now on page 257 and I can tell you, it was worth the wait!!

*****

I spent the day with SigOth.  We watched a movie and did a lot of making out and dry humping.  I feel like I'm sixteen again with all the under the shirt and over the pants groping going on, but DAMN it's fun. 

He likes to receive oral sex and as I've mentioned here in the past, I've never particularly been into it.  When I was drunk all the time having sex I'm sure I did it frequently, but since I don't remember, those experiences don't help me with my current performance anxiety very much. 

I haven't watched any porn lately either, so I have no role models in that department.  I'm basically going by what he seems to want, you know, kind of following his lead.  I'm still not entirely sure I like it but...

(slightly more sexually explicit material to follow)

So.  There may be some nakedness on Friday night.  No sex, because we have that three month rule in place, but nakedness is a possibility.  And I'm not sure what the shaving logistics are.  Yes, I know legs and underarms are a requirement, but what about certain other areas?  And if so, what shape??  Don't laugh.  This is a valid question.  Men these days have higher expectations.  And I'm no artist with the razor. (I just spent thirty minutes trying to find a picture of the fabled "Gucci Coochie", but had no luck.)  There's also "The Strip" and "The Heart" to choose from.  Some people love it all shaved off and others prefer the traditional triangle.

I haven't been doing ANY shaving in that particular area for quite some time and even when I did it was so I wouldn't gross out my fellow moms at the pool, not to impress or arouse a man.  Not that I'm trying to impress or arouse anyone.

Because I'm not.

I need some advice.  And before you get all weirded out about the subject matter, remember that YOU are my only friends.  I don't have sisters or girlfriends who can talk about this with me.  I obviously can't go into a locker room and start polling the men there about their preferences.   So if you don't mind,  just give me your opinion.

And then tell me how to do whatever it is without breaking out in a rash and itching for three weeks while everything grows back.

*****

Billiken (Brian's kitty) is at the Cat Clinic tonight because of a large lump he has on his neck.  They're doing a biopsy but the doctor seems fairly convinced it's cancerous.  Please keep both of them in your thoughts.